"Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
'Tis some visitor' I muttered, 'tapping at my chamber door',
'Only this and nothing more.'"
Ah, The Raven. A popular and very long poem by Edgar Allen Poe. How I loved "The Fall of the House of Usher", "The Talisman" and much of his macabre poetry. What I didn't like was Poe being used as my punishment for taking the easy way out!
I was a Freshman at Western Hills High School in Ft. Worth, Texas - and fortunate to have Mr. Williams as my English teacher. The man had a true love of all things literary, and although I was already an avid reader of Judy Blume, Beverly Cleary, and Shel Silverstein. I feel I owe my love of real, solid, gotta think about it literature to Mr. Williams. It is Mr. Williams who gave me a small book of the poetry of Robert Frost that caused me to ponder which road I would take if faced with a fork in a yellow wood (25 years later, I can tell you that I'm almost certain I've taken the one less traveled). It was in his class that I read, with fervor, Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet" - and cried openly in class as we read the end. It was Mr. Williams who stopped me after that class to say "If you thought that was good, you might want to check out 'Wuthering Heights' from the library." (Those who know me well, know my undying love and affection for this - my favorite tortured love story of all time - THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU MR. WILLIAMS!) And it was in Mr. Williams class that I was introduced to the literary works of the great Edgar Allen Poe.
So, it's with some amount of shame I tell you this: It was also in Mr. Williams class when I was assigned a poetry memorizing project - which counted for 1/2 of my grade one 6-week period - and I took the easy way out. The assignment was to memorize a poem of at least 100 lines in length. Ask me how smart I thought I was when I discovered and memorized a poem that was exactly 100 lines in length - each line containing merely two words! It was a child's poem, and it had something to do with a king - that's all I remember. The class had four weeks to memorize a poem, it took me all of four minutes.
Finally the day for me to recite my memorized poem had arrived! I couldn't wait to crack my friends up with my silly little poem that met, just barely, the requirements of the assignment. Oh, I wish you could've seen my cocky self-assuredness as I rose from my desk and made my way to the front of the classroom. In just under 30 seconds I recited my entire poem, bowed, grinned and began to head back to my seat. "Stop right there Miss Martin", Mr. Williams snarled (and yes, I believe there was visible smoke coming out of his ears). I turned to face my teacher (who was much too good to be teaching us miserable high school teen agers). He begins to tell me, in front of my classmates how disappointed he was in me, how he knew I was capable of much more and that my score on this very important assignment was a ZERO.
Any student who was ever blessed enough to land in one of Mr. Williams classes will tell you that he was a ruthless disciplinarian, overly strict, a stingy and unfair grader (read: you actually had to work hard and deserve a good grade to get one), and he was NOT friends with his students. I agree wholeheartedly with all of these statements. What I also know is that Mr. Williams was extremely merciful. I got the zero for my poem, and the grade stood. However, Mr. Williams assinged me mandatory extra-credit - just me, no one else - I had to memorize "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe and recite it for the class in two weeks time. If I recited it perfectly, he would give me 90% - not even an "A"!
Because of two things: 1) my respect for Mr. Williams, and 2) my fear of facing my parents with an "F" in English on my report card, I resigned myself to the grueling task of memorizing the creepy poem and reciting it - very well I might add - to an audience of less than interested classmates just 2 weeks later. My grade was saved, and more importantly my favorite teacher once again regarded me with some small measure of esteem.
Ask me what I would give to be back in that class today? Or to just see Mr. Williams one more time and tell him of the great impact he had on my love of all things with a binding and printed pages! I want to thank him for making me do "better" and requiring me to live up to his expectations. I learned a lot in my Freshman English class - how to diagram a sentence, how to make sense of Shakespeare plays, how to write a Haiku, and even how to write a decent short story. Oh, but it's the life lessons I learned in Mr. Williams' class (this "always do your best" lesson was just one) that have meant the most and which I return to time and time again.
To read "The Raven" in its entirety, click here: http://www.houseofusher.net/raven.html
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
Proof of Christ at work...My Christmas Angels
Because I love the question, "Can I get a witness", I want to share with anyone who cares to read it, what God did in my life this Christmas through his faithful followers, (also because I want a place to keep a record of it as a good reminder to myself) I wanted to share the letter below that I wrote for my friends and family who helped us "Make it through December" this year...
My Sweet, Precious and Dear Friends and family – truly Brothers and Sisters in our Wonderful Christ, how can I ever express my gratitude and thanks to you enough? I am humbled by the incredible expression of love that you all gave me and my Rebecca this Christmas. (this was my feeble attempt at beginning a letter as gracefully as Paul - impossible, I know, but my love for you insists I try)
Just a few weeks ago, I was feeling very bleak about the Christmas Holiday. We definitely try each year to make Christ the central focus of our Christmas celebration – but I’ll be honest and admit it’s been easier to do so in years past, when my thoughts weren’t clouded with worry over the possibility of not even one gift under the tree for my child. Why after all of these years of knowing Christ, did I worry for even a moment? So many areas I feel I lean on Him completely, yet in so many He continues to show me I still need to trust Him – I confess that I am often a “Doubting Thomas”. Thank you all for being the proof of Christ in my life, not only to me, but to everyone I can get to listen to me tell of the wonderful things He has done for us this Holiday Season through you my Christian family (and my ever faithful “family” family). I stand in awe of Jesus and of you in the full knowledge that I am truly and abundantly blessed.
The money (and the prayers that I know you put with it) meant so much – it meant that Rebecca would wake up on Christmas morning with several fun (and even a few necessary) gifts to unwrap, that I’d have the money required for the extra and special food items that make our Christmas traditions “ours”, that I wouldn’t give into my fears and spend money on gifts that was really needed to pay bills (yes, I’ll admit it, I was seriously considering robbing Peter to pay Paul – BLASPHEMY I tell you!). Thanks to your generous hearts, I was able to make Christmas “happen” and still pay all my bills on time. You guys just overwhelm me – I can’t say thank you often enough – and I want you to know how very much I love each and every one of you – you were all Christmas Angels to us this year and I will never forget it.
The whole experience brings to mind several passages from the Bible that I want to share with you. I will attempt to be wary of time for reading constraints and only share these few:
Because I did spend a few nights early in December crying myself to sleep with worry, I think of a portion of Revelation 21:4…”He will wipe away every tear from their eyes…” Thank you for giving me a reason to dry my tears and have joyful expectation of Christmas day.
Financially, this Christmas promised to be a burden, and my lack of funds was definitely a burden on my mind and in my heart, so Galatians 6:2 comes to mind… “Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Thank you for helping to not just carry my burden, but for removing it!
I also think of Acts 4:32… “All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had.” Thank you for sharing with me and Rebecca.
I love you all and am praying for a prosperous, happy, and Christ-filled 2010 for us all.
Merle Haggard singing "If We Make It Through December" here >>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-IJxTd8dCo
My Sweet, Precious and Dear Friends and family – truly Brothers and Sisters in our Wonderful Christ, how can I ever express my gratitude and thanks to you enough? I am humbled by the incredible expression of love that you all gave me and my Rebecca this Christmas. (this was my feeble attempt at beginning a letter as gracefully as Paul - impossible, I know, but my love for you insists I try)
Just a few weeks ago, I was feeling very bleak about the Christmas Holiday. We definitely try each year to make Christ the central focus of our Christmas celebration – but I’ll be honest and admit it’s been easier to do so in years past, when my thoughts weren’t clouded with worry over the possibility of not even one gift under the tree for my child. Why after all of these years of knowing Christ, did I worry for even a moment? So many areas I feel I lean on Him completely, yet in so many He continues to show me I still need to trust Him – I confess that I am often a “Doubting Thomas”. Thank you all for being the proof of Christ in my life, not only to me, but to everyone I can get to listen to me tell of the wonderful things He has done for us this Holiday Season through you my Christian family (and my ever faithful “family” family). I stand in awe of Jesus and of you in the full knowledge that I am truly and abundantly blessed.
The money (and the prayers that I know you put with it) meant so much – it meant that Rebecca would wake up on Christmas morning with several fun (and even a few necessary) gifts to unwrap, that I’d have the money required for the extra and special food items that make our Christmas traditions “ours”, that I wouldn’t give into my fears and spend money on gifts that was really needed to pay bills (yes, I’ll admit it, I was seriously considering robbing Peter to pay Paul – BLASPHEMY I tell you!). Thanks to your generous hearts, I was able to make Christmas “happen” and still pay all my bills on time. You guys just overwhelm me – I can’t say thank you often enough – and I want you to know how very much I love each and every one of you – you were all Christmas Angels to us this year and I will never forget it.
The whole experience brings to mind several passages from the Bible that I want to share with you. I will attempt to be wary of time for reading constraints and only share these few:
Because I did spend a few nights early in December crying myself to sleep with worry, I think of a portion of Revelation 21:4…”He will wipe away every tear from their eyes…” Thank you for giving me a reason to dry my tears and have joyful expectation of Christmas day.
Financially, this Christmas promised to be a burden, and my lack of funds was definitely a burden on my mind and in my heart, so Galatians 6:2 comes to mind… “Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Thank you for helping to not just carry my burden, but for removing it!
I also think of Acts 4:32… “All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had.” Thank you for sharing with me and Rebecca.
I love you all and am praying for a prosperous, happy, and Christ-filled 2010 for us all.
Merle Haggard singing "If We Make It Through December" here >>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-IJxTd8dCo
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Open Christmas Letter to the far away "Darlings" of my Life and anyone else who wants to read it too...
I love Christmas music - and the songs by the Carpenters (of 70's fame) are, to me, some of the timeless best. My favorite is probably "Merry Christmas Darling". My greeting cards have not all been sent, and at this late date they won't be. So I decided to do a sort of "open letter" to those I love and care for (and if you're reading this, that probably includes you.)
This year, the holiday will find me at my own home, with my daughter, our cats, and our "adopted" just for Christmas puppy - Charlee. While this means a lazy,cozy, and loving Christmas morning with my daughter (and a pan of homemade cinnamon rolls) all to myself - it also means there are many "darlings" I won't see that I'll be thinking of and missing a whole lot...
Mom - truly one of my best friends, the person I want to call first with any news (or any "no news") and the one who always made sure each and every Christmas (even this one coming up) was spectacularly special and filled with moments of wonder - she gave more than presents, she gave lifelong memories that I will cherish always. For instance: I remember being just 7 and getting my first record player (the kind in the box with a white plastic handle) and my first album "Frampton Comes Alive" - name another 7 year old who received a classic rock album for Christmas! Too young to be "stoked", I was really, really excited! Classic Rock n Roll - the gift that keeps on giving, really. (I also received Olivia Newton John's "Totally Hot" that same morning - which was....not a classic). Thanks Mom!
Daddy - I miss him every day, just especially so at Christmas. Best Christmas memory ever...Daddy at Carswell A.F.B., dressed up as Santa. Sarah (our babysitter) takes us to the base to have our pictures made with "Santa". Upon our arrival, from across the room I point and say "That's my Daddy!" I wait in line, and when I get on his lap he says (in his best Santa voice) "Ho ho ho and Merry Christmas!" I giggled and said "You're not Santa, you're my Daddy." He asks "Why do you think I'm your Daddy little girl?" I say "Because you smell like my Daddy!" Thank you Givenchy - makers of Grey Flannel and Givenchy Gentlemen - to get a whif of either fragrance causes instantaneous tearing of the eyes in this woman who will forever be her Daddy's little girl. (*Side Note: 6 months later found me sick as a dog, Daddy took me to the doctor on base and afterward to his office - where what do you know was hanging in the corner - yep, Santa's hat and beard!)
My sisters - Emmy and Lydia. We have so many shared holiday memories - there's nothing quite like a sister. I remember the year we got the Ping Pong table and Lydia and I were up at 4:30 a.m. - Mom and Dad told us we'd have to wait until 6:00 before we could wake them and Emmy up. We sat beside that ping pong table the entire time full of excitement, counting down the minutes! I also remember the year I asked for the Holly Hobbie EZ Bake Oven, only to wake up Christmas morning to find it in Lydia's gift pile. And I certainly remember the Christmas Eve that I planned to sleep on the couch so I could confirm whether Santa was real or not. I discovered he wasn't - but what a joy to remember what I DID see that night....Emmy and her best friend Erin, putting out the presents. Everyone should be lucky enough to have a big sister love them so much they fill in for Santa! Everyone should be lucky enough to have 2 great sisters like mine.
Aunt Katy & Jason. Awww man, without a doubt, the best Christmases ever included these two. Aunt Katy always made everything extra special - I'll never forget her hiding Jason's Cowboy Hat for Christmas on top of the ceiling fan. Such fun! I need to make plans for a trip to Ohio sometime in the next year or so. Aunt Katy is my Godmother, and not one Christmas of my life has passed without special gifts just for me under the tree from Katy. My favorite is one I still have and look upon daily, my pink iridescent candy dish from the glass factory near Bellaire. It's as beautiful today as it ever was and always makes me think of these two precious members of my family.
Meagan, Layne & Courtney. My sweet and beautiful neices, I love you girls so much. Christmas Mornings took on a whole new meaning after you all joined the family! I never had so much fun shopping as I did when I'd shop for your gifts. I always wanted you to have a TON of presents to unwrap. Noki - ALWAYS sick at Christmas, so someone always had to stay home with you and miss Midnight Mass. Meagan of course, is my Godchild, so I have always tried to carry on the tradition of getting something extra and special just for her. I hope this made you feel as special as you are Meagan - you all three are so precious to me, and the best gift you've ever given me is your friendship now that you're all grown. It means so much to me that we're so connected! Ok wait, the best gifts are really sweet Elizabeth and Elise, I'm just sayin'. (and you know it's true anyway.)
Andrea - Don't worry Stella, I was just saving the best for last. What can I say to you that you don't already know. You're the sister I would've picked if I could've picked one for myself. You've been there through the good, the bad, the everything. I know we don't talk every day - you've got the little one, I've got the teen one - but it doesn't mean I love you less or think of you less. No matter what, I'm just a phone call or a text away. I'll never be too far, I can't be, you know all of my secrets! You're my Bestie! My True Blue! And I love you Original Dr. Drea! Kiss that baby girl for me!
So to all of you - my darlings mentioned in this blog, and to all the darling friends and family I didn't mention (but I DO think of, I promise! and you all deserve a specific mention even though there's just not room) - I wish you Merry Christmas, Happy New Year too. I hope this Christmas is a very special one for all of you and that the year ahead is full of happiness!
Ok, now you have to listen to my sappy Christmas song for you. Don't balk, just do it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR1ujXx2p-I
This year, the holiday will find me at my own home, with my daughter, our cats, and our "adopted" just for Christmas puppy - Charlee. While this means a lazy,cozy, and loving Christmas morning with my daughter (and a pan of homemade cinnamon rolls) all to myself - it also means there are many "darlings" I won't see that I'll be thinking of and missing a whole lot...
Mom - truly one of my best friends, the person I want to call first with any news (or any "no news") and the one who always made sure each and every Christmas (even this one coming up) was spectacularly special and filled with moments of wonder - she gave more than presents, she gave lifelong memories that I will cherish always. For instance: I remember being just 7 and getting my first record player (the kind in the box with a white plastic handle) and my first album "Frampton Comes Alive" - name another 7 year old who received a classic rock album for Christmas! Too young to be "stoked", I was really, really excited! Classic Rock n Roll - the gift that keeps on giving, really. (I also received Olivia Newton John's "Totally Hot" that same morning - which was....not a classic). Thanks Mom!
Daddy - I miss him every day, just especially so at Christmas. Best Christmas memory ever...Daddy at Carswell A.F.B., dressed up as Santa. Sarah (our babysitter) takes us to the base to have our pictures made with "Santa". Upon our arrival, from across the room I point and say "That's my Daddy!" I wait in line, and when I get on his lap he says (in his best Santa voice) "Ho ho ho and Merry Christmas!" I giggled and said "You're not Santa, you're my Daddy." He asks "Why do you think I'm your Daddy little girl?" I say "Because you smell like my Daddy!" Thank you Givenchy - makers of Grey Flannel and Givenchy Gentlemen - to get a whif of either fragrance causes instantaneous tearing of the eyes in this woman who will forever be her Daddy's little girl. (*Side Note: 6 months later found me sick as a dog, Daddy took me to the doctor on base and afterward to his office - where what do you know was hanging in the corner - yep, Santa's hat and beard!)
My sisters - Emmy and Lydia. We have so many shared holiday memories - there's nothing quite like a sister. I remember the year we got the Ping Pong table and Lydia and I were up at 4:30 a.m. - Mom and Dad told us we'd have to wait until 6:00 before we could wake them and Emmy up. We sat beside that ping pong table the entire time full of excitement, counting down the minutes! I also remember the year I asked for the Holly Hobbie EZ Bake Oven, only to wake up Christmas morning to find it in Lydia's gift pile. And I certainly remember the Christmas Eve that I planned to sleep on the couch so I could confirm whether Santa was real or not. I discovered he wasn't - but what a joy to remember what I DID see that night....Emmy and her best friend Erin, putting out the presents. Everyone should be lucky enough to have a big sister love them so much they fill in for Santa! Everyone should be lucky enough to have 2 great sisters like mine.
Aunt Katy & Jason. Awww man, without a doubt, the best Christmases ever included these two. Aunt Katy always made everything extra special - I'll never forget her hiding Jason's Cowboy Hat for Christmas on top of the ceiling fan. Such fun! I need to make plans for a trip to Ohio sometime in the next year or so. Aunt Katy is my Godmother, and not one Christmas of my life has passed without special gifts just for me under the tree from Katy. My favorite is one I still have and look upon daily, my pink iridescent candy dish from the glass factory near Bellaire. It's as beautiful today as it ever was and always makes me think of these two precious members of my family.
Meagan, Layne & Courtney. My sweet and beautiful neices, I love you girls so much. Christmas Mornings took on a whole new meaning after you all joined the family! I never had so much fun shopping as I did when I'd shop for your gifts. I always wanted you to have a TON of presents to unwrap. Noki - ALWAYS sick at Christmas, so someone always had to stay home with you and miss Midnight Mass. Meagan of course, is my Godchild, so I have always tried to carry on the tradition of getting something extra and special just for her. I hope this made you feel as special as you are Meagan - you all three are so precious to me, and the best gift you've ever given me is your friendship now that you're all grown. It means so much to me that we're so connected! Ok wait, the best gifts are really sweet Elizabeth and Elise, I'm just sayin'. (and you know it's true anyway.)
Andrea - Don't worry Stella, I was just saving the best for last. What can I say to you that you don't already know. You're the sister I would've picked if I could've picked one for myself. You've been there through the good, the bad, the everything. I know we don't talk every day - you've got the little one, I've got the teen one - but it doesn't mean I love you less or think of you less. No matter what, I'm just a phone call or a text away. I'll never be too far, I can't be, you know all of my secrets! You're my Bestie! My True Blue! And I love you Original Dr. Drea! Kiss that baby girl for me!
So to all of you - my darlings mentioned in this blog, and to all the darling friends and family I didn't mention (but I DO think of, I promise! and you all deserve a specific mention even though there's just not room) - I wish you Merry Christmas, Happy New Year too. I hope this Christmas is a very special one for all of you and that the year ahead is full of happiness!
Ok, now you have to listen to my sappy Christmas song for you. Don't balk, just do it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR1ujXx2p-I
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